Thursday, December 18, 2014

Don't be her shadow

Don’t be her shadow

She hung her head and cried.
You said, “Your pain is my pain.”
She hung her head and cried.

She cut her wings and fell that day
She cut her wings and fell.
“Fall on my bed, you say I’ll catch your fall.”
You couldn’t know she wouldn’t call.

She gasped and choked,
She gasped and choked

You said, “I’ll catch ..
You said, “I’ll fall ..

She wept and said nothing at all.

She is not you, you are not she
I am not you, you are not me
And what comes next is what is true

If you were me and I were you -
I’d cling to something that won’t shake -
That will not fall
That cannot break
That will not leave
That won’t forsake and cannot die
 - and loves you no matter what you try.

-JM Dec 18,2014

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go
Oh, love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee
I give you back the life I owe
And in your ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be

My life is not my own
It's yours
My life is not my own
I know it's yours

Oh, light that follows all my way
I yield my flickering torch to thee
And my heart restores its borrowed ray
That in your sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be

So light a fire in my heart
And I'll burn for you
So light a fire in my heart
And I'll burn for you

Oh, joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not in vain

That morn shall tearless be

Monday, July 14, 2014

Things that quicken the heart ...

Right before the day meets the night
Rain that has not yet hit the earth
That exhausted final push before birth
The bridge between forgiveness and the fight

 … and tomorrow, when you know everything will be alright.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Throwback Thursday: Charissa 2 weeks old

I found this post, untouched and unpublished.  Can it be over 3 years ago that she was this little?

Little one, your history book is 14 pages long and I don't really know you yet but looking at you as you sleep just makes my eyeballs drown a little. I love your practice smiles.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

What to Pack for a no Sandwich Lunch!!!!

Gluten Free lunches:

Life kinds of stinks for a while when you go gluten free.  The following are some things that my family eats and packs in their lunches that aren't sandwiches and don't involve GF bread. Many are Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

Potato sandwiches: 
mash up a cold potato and fill it with filling of choice (meatballs, tuna fish, lunch meat, broccoli and cheese?), close it up and eat it like a sandwich.

Kebab: because pretty much anything you put on a stick is cool
     sausage + pineapple kebabs
     Tater tot + meatball kebab  (store bought meatballs almost always have wheat in them)
     omelets cut up and put on kebab with cherry tomato and salami
     cherry tomato, basil, mozzarella kebab

If it's firm enough to make it onto a stick you can skewer it.  I like to do a protein and a carb but a fruit skewer or all meat skewer would work as well.

Bake Ahead of Time:
Pumpkin pie clautofis  This packs well in lunches and is best served cold. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

Paleo Breakfast bread:  super easy to pack in a lunchbox and tastes good at any temp (add tiny chocolate chips if you feel like pickier eaters wouldn't want to try it, I do think the recipe needs more sweetness so I add honey and more cinnamon) Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

Almond Soda Bread:  I use half almond meal and half cashew meal. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

SoccaThis stuff is best hot and crisp from the oven but makes a super easy, super cheap cracker when baked up thin. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

SCD/GAPS, Paleo,  totally delicious, my kids hate sweet potato but love this
you could also use hash browns if you aren't interested in sweet potato

Other ideas:
tortilla chips and guacamole or hummus or bean dip
cabbage cups instead of tortillas or sandwich bread, you can fill these things with tuna salad, chicken salad, diced chicken, pretty much anything you would put on a sandwich except PB and J (yuck).
corn tortilla and anything you can put in a sandwich.  These roll best if you heat them first.
We've also tried apple sandwiches by coring and apple and cutting it up into bagel like slices.  It's just easier to cut up an apple the old fashioned way and eat it with peanut butter.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Belated Valentine.

 I Stutter When I Call

I falter when I talk to you
   I can't help
      can't help
  can't help it.

All I want
      I try
    I want to say
get's muted.

My mouth gets in the way
     of my heart.
         my heart --
       My heart
that speaks in threes.

I stumble
    I trip,
      I fall
  into my words
and say nothing at all.

But I love you.

And if I can just
like an ocean fitted with a waterspout -
the torrent stays in and 3 words dribble out.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Songs of Sorrow

When you wonder if I’m there
  because I do not make a sound
            I am
  Loving you quietly in the background.

If you wonder if I know
what tears your heart in two
            I am
right here, arms outstretched for you.

If you’re asking “Do you care?”
 ( and you know I do)
           I do,
           I am
Holding you in my hand.


Monday, December 30, 2013

White Christmas

Palm Springs for Christmas.  You normally wouldn't think of a white Christmas down there, but then, you have no idea how many tissues a family of 7 can go through in a day.  I don't know what it was about this flu but it started with Charissa waking me up in the morning with a febral seizure and progressed to 5 of us with over 103 degree fevers for days.  Add in a cough, some asthma and allergies and you have about 3-4 days of my life that I and the kids have little memory of.

You'd think that would have ruined Christmas, but it didn't.  For some reason, everyone who was sick was generous, kind, grateful and sweeter than I could ever imagine they could be.  I woke up one night in so much pain I was trying to massage my sore neck and little Isaac, who was sleeping next to me, woke up and said, "Mommy, I can rub your back for you."  I almost cried.

Not being able to take care of myself or my kids really made me look at my life, my attitudes, my choices and some of the bad habits I've gotten into and I was ashamed of myself.  Life goes by so fast I don't normally get the time to reflect and correct the way I need to but the Lord reached into what could have been an ugly situation and handed us patience, kindness, love, and thankfulness.

I got some nice presents for Christmas.  But I think being sick was the best one of all.

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